She said... Proposal story

To be practical I will post the FAQ I've received since acquiring my new piece of bling:

Q: OMG!! When did it happen????
A: August 4, 2013 at around 5:30 pm. Orrr 5:45 pm. Sometime between those two times. When Jon gets nervous he talks a lot. 

It was a bit funny: since Jon and I started dating, he knew I had a heart to go overseas to do some medical work. Jon had told me last year that he wouldn't consider proposing until after I had gone to at least one trip. On August 4, 2012, I left on my trip to Honduras - one of the boldest, craziest things I've ever done (go to a different country with a bunch of people I didn't know). Ironically, exactly a year later, Jon decides for us to get engaged on the same day - which in it's own way is another bold, crazy step in my life. I thought it was a perfect example of the selfless person he was - waiting for me to accomplish a dream of mine before pursuing our marriage, but I found out later that it was coincidence and that he didn't think about it at all. 

Q: Did he do it in Japan? 
A: Nope! Before the trip he kept insisting it was not going to happen in Japan. Some friends kept saying "that's just to throw you off". During the trip, there were moments where I thought he might just do it, like when we were overlooking Kyoto in the Monkey Park. Or sitting beside a lake covered with Lotus Flowers. And all these 'moments', we would stop and joke about some pretty crazy epic scenarios of how he could propose . Like in the middle of a bamboo forest with green tea in one hand and the ring in the other - followed by a meal of Kobe Beef.
But, all jokes aside, he did it in good old Waterloo. Where we met. Where he's doing his PhD. Where my family and lots of close friends are. Lots of sentimentality.

Q: How did he do it?? 
A: Well, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Old school.

Q: No, seriously... How? And Where?
A: Haha well he planned a 2 week scavenger hunt that included finding things, solving clues, meeting up with friends, making macarons, hunting for pictures and general hanging out. Each of the stations were 'manned' by my family or some of my closest friends. Jon had  planned that each station would link to important aspects in our lives: Support, Encouragement, Familiarity, Fun, Friendship, Growth. But he also allowed my friends to put their own spin and flavour into it. At the end, each meeting was just so comfortable and full of fun and laughter. I really appreciated he involved so many of these people, and remind me how thankful I am to have them in my life as well.

After all the running around, on the last day (Sunday) he brought me to Waterloo park, and like we discussed in Japan he proposed in a bamboo forest Waterloo Park with green tea in one hand and the ring in the other.

We then went to Golf's Steak house for some Kobe Steak and was received by more friends and family :). It was a wonderful way to end off a wonderful two weeks.

Q: Did you see it coming?
A: Well as you can see from the large proposal plan, by the time it started, I knew it was going to happen. I didn't really know how, or why, or where, but I knew it was coming. We had talked a LOOOONG time ago about how he might do a Scavenger Hunt type thing for our engagement, and so I knew once the hunt began it would end with a proposal and a ring. Also, back in February/March we did go ring shopping as well, so I had an idea that it was gonna happen sometime this year...

Q: eeee! Can I see the ring? 
A: My Blackberry camera doesn't really do it justice. But here it is. It's a bit distracting. Especially when I'm driving and it catches light (which is all the time). Man that thing is shiny! But yes, we went to go ring shopping earlier this year so at that point I was fitted for size, and explained to Jon that kind of thing I would like (or not like).
:

Q: Did you cry? 
A: No 

Q: Did he cry?? 
A: Haha. No. 

Q: What did he say?? 
A: He was pretty nervous! But to sum it up: He told me that I am more important than his PhD and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. And then he asked me to marry him. 

Q: Was it what you hoped for? 
A: To be honest, I'm not really the type to dream about "the perfect" proposal. I just knew I wanted to be with this guy and that at some point we'd go from dating to being engaged to being married. I didn't really have a perfect "how" in my head.

At the end of it, I think that Jon did it just right - it matched our relationship perfectly. It was wonderfully and meticulously planned when it needed to be, and spontaneous and genuine in all the right places. It was full of fun, laughter, friends and family. And instead of making one huge surprise (I hate surprises), it was a build up of emotions that led to one final question that at the end of all that, I undoubtedly knew my answer for. 

Q: So, what did you say? 
A: YES! (I may have said it even before he finished the question...)

The aftermath.
After speaking to many parties involved with the proposal, I thought it was pretty amusing the interactions many of my friends had with Jon. It just made me feel really happy that this whole plan didn't just result in our engagement, it gave some of my friends a chance to get to know Jon a bit better, and for Jon to get to know them better too. I've heard some pretty funny back stories, and it just warms my heart that so many people were involved and the trouble you all went to for us! Thank you! :)

influence

In an attempt to get to know one another better, Jon and I have spent a lot of time answering questions that force us to think hard about who we are, and be HONEST with ourselves and each other about some things we don't typically think about.

One of the questions in the book reads:

Who are the people in your life that have influenced you the most and in what way?We all have significant people in our lives. Some have been mentors who have helped us grow. Unfortunally, sometimes we are influenced in dysfunctional ways that can hamper relationships. When we identify people and their impact, often what we do and why we do it takes on a new meaning. 
This is actually really difficult. I'm really trying to limit myself to the top 10 people who have influenced me the most. There a lot of people who have shaped who I am... But when I think about pivotal critical things in my life, these are the people who come to mind.

I'm not going to list the 10 I came up with on this blog, but it was a fascinating experience determining who made critical, life changing imprints in my life. There are some obvious people. There are people that i never really thought much about in my life, but when reflecting on who i am today, realizing that someone that seemed so insignficant in my life actually made such a large indent

An example of such is my uncle. 

When I was coming up with this list, he was not one of the immediate people I came up with that cracked my "top 10 people of influence". I saw him at most twice a year, and then he was this distant uncle with a loud voice and a giant presence that I couldn’t get away from. I still remember the smell of the dusty old room on Shaughnassy place. The way the house looked. The way it felt when our family was there.


Why then is he on my top 10? 

Well to start, he was the reason we moved to Canada -  waterloo specifically. It’s a bit weird sometimes looking back and hearing my dad speak of my uncle. The opportunities he gave my dad – really I wouldn’t be where I am at all without him.


He was rich. Immensely. I think through his riches, I’ve learned to understand it’s really not money that matters. I had all the expensive clothes, I had the ‘high end foods’, but I still was made fun of in school. It reminded me that being rich was more than just money. It meant taking care of my money. It meant not using my money to buy happiness/love. It’s about being my own person.

Perhaps the last, big (and morbid) reason he really altered my life was in his death. It changed my understanding of life and death, and my understanding of family values. He passed away when I was in grade 11. There was little I really understood about death until then. The fact that I never would see him again never crossed my mind. The way he lavished us with presents we didn’t appreciate. The way he helped keep my grandmother happy. These were all things I took for granted. On the contrary, his death also brought up all these family secrets we all wished never to have known. All these things broke me out of the Grade 11 trivial drama that filled my life and into a world that made me realize that people aren’t perfect. That families aren't perfect. His death influenced how I’ve chosen to live.


It reminds me once again that everything we do, every life we touch, every word we say, how we spend our money, how we spread our love, where we put our time, our thoughts - all that influences the people around us. 

Spread too thin

At work, there's always so many things to do. Initiatives to plan, meetings to attend, people to see, networks to connect to. Being a 'new' employee to the organization, it's difficult to say no. At times it's almost like I'm 'forcefully' throwing myself into conversations, committees, discussions, initiatives because then I look good, I'm trying hard and contributing something. But sometimes, even with a full plate I can't turn down an invitation because I want to look open and eager.

My supervisor (often the one loading me with tasks) and many coworkers constantly remind me to learn to 'say no'. If I say yes to everything, sure it's great, but it can also mean I do everything at a mediocre level as opposed to do one (or a few things) thing great.

I think it's something that I do a lot in all aspects of my life. I don't know how to say no. I don't know how to focus myself on one task, one person - I want to be everything to everyone. In the end I may have a lot of achievements, but nothing I truly think I excel it. I may have a lot of people who know me, but very few friends that I say really 'know' me. I say no when I should say yes, and yes when I should say no.

How do I change?

To the stranger on the 42 bus heading east this evening- thank you. Thanks for helping me pick up my groceries when the bag ripped. Thanks lending a hand while I tried to gather my dignity and my belongings as other people just stood and stared. Thank you for your quiet 'happy valentine's day' to me as you left the bus.

You made my night! I hope you had an wonderful evening with the people you love. :)

personal day

i finally know why working people put 'personal days' at such a high esteem.

personal days are not just a day off from work, but it's a day to wake up on your own time. To do what you want to do without other things bogging you down. To let your body recuperate from months of busy work days.

I know that's usually what weekends are for. But weekends are usually so planned. Knowing that Saturday/Sunday are there means that you stuff them full of activities, meeting up with friends, playing sports, shopping, going out of town. Personal days are an EXTRA day. one where nothing is planned and you can go about what you want/need to do at your own pace.

"the secret to success is constancy to purpose."- Benjamin Disraeli

I've been finding myself so lost in so many different things, and caught up in the routine that I've lost my sense of why the heck i'm doing the things i'm doing.

Personal days allow you to take a step back from life and really get personal with yourself. What have i been doing? Where am I going? Where and what do I want to be?

Discipline

I was speaking last night to a friend, and something he said really struck a chord.

His comment went something like this:

“you know, I was thinking the other day about you and your lack of discipline. I mean not in a bad way - I think it's funny.

For Example:

[at an event] "oh i dont want to play, i'm just going to watch and leave." [but you end] up playing.

OR
[at a friend’s place] "oh i dont want any dumplings" then they are in front of you and you start eating.

I’m gonna start taking note of these! So funny.``

I didn’t know whether to be horrified at his comment because this is not a trait I want, or feel offended that he found my faults amusing, or whether i should just laugh it off.

The more I stewed about it, the more it bothered me. Something was wrong here. Was it that I have a lack of discipline? Was it just that I was easily persuaded? Am I simply someone that changes their mind a lot?

I’ve recently been stuck in a bit of a rut. It’s been 4 months since I’ve officially moved to Toronto and started full time work. I haven’t found a church, a fellowship, haven’t found time to hang out with friends regularly. My typical evening after work consists of cooking dinner and watching TV from about 7pm-midnight then going to bed. Some nights I will spend time cleaning/baking/grocery shopping. Maybe once a week I will go see a friend or two for bubble tea/coffee. I’ve spent a lot of time alone, and putting my brain on hold. I’m just ‘too tired’ after work.

But I had goals. By December I was supposed to have joined some sports, done other extra cirriculars, met some people, joined a church and a fellowship. What happened? Had I simply changed my mind? Did the TV convince me that it was better company than real people? Or was this laziness?

I really could say “it’s only been 4 months, and my contract ends in March, I might not even be in Toronto long term”. Or quip “Full time work is hard! I’m so tired after work. I deserve to sit at home and vegetate”. Or even “How am I expected to stay in one position for so long since co-op has trained me to think in ‘4 month terms”.

None of those ‘excuses’ are untrue, or even bad to say. They are all completely valid statements. But the point is that I CHOSE to set a goal for myself. I CHOSE what I wanted to achieve by the end of December. And in the end, I just made excuses, I blamed other people, other things for my failure. Perhaps it’s as my friend said, I have a lack of discipline to achieve things I want to achieve; lack the motivation to follow through on my word. If I cannot even follow through on promises I make to myself, how can I follow through on promises I make to others?

I realize I break my word to my friends a lot. Even telling people “I’ll be there in an hour”, when there’s NO WAY that I can realistically ‘be there an hour’, or I get caught up in a conversation. It’s about making commitments and sticking to them.

“Many say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why it’s recommended daily.”   Zed Ziglar

I don’t even know where to begin to change. Is it just becoming so awesome that I meet every goal I set it for myself? Is it never promising anything so that I cannot fail? Maybe it’s learning to make more realistic in what I say so that I can learn to make my actions match my words.  I really don’t know. All I know is that this is something I want to change.

Progress

I've been working as a nurse for about 2.5 months now. It's hard to believe how fast time has flown. On the contrary with all the little things I've been learning everyday I wonder if I will ever excel at my job.
But today was a proud moment for me. I've definitely had days in the past 2.5 months where I've felt inferior and sometimes downright stupid. But today, I took initiative, I worked on my own, I advocated for my patients, I planned, I consulted. Annnnd I ran my first flu clinic... Which doubled in numbers compared to last years flu clinic!
To say I was estatic is an understatement. I'm sure I will continue to have those bad days. But it's these good days that reminds me it's okay to make mistakes and not be super awesome at all times. Sometimes it takes a little bit of work and effort and time, but it does pay off in the end.

i often wonder if i'm going to make it through. i wonder if i'm strong enough, ponder if all i am is a creation of my own consequences. Whether through all the mistakes i've dug myself into a hole i cannot crawl out of.

but i am determined to show that what you've sunk your love and care into was not in vain. that i can do it. i can face my demons and discover that - hey, yes i messed up. and yes i'm damaged. but that's okay, i don't need to punish myself anymore for it.

i can wake up and be free of this pain that others have caused me, and finally... finally rise above it all.

letting go doesn't mean forgetting. it means looking at these things that have had a grip on me and saying - "you don't have a hold anymore. i am free." It doesn't mean things don't still hurt, but that they don't hurt me enough to cripple me. it means me taking my life back and looking forward to the next day, not living in constant fear of what tomorrow brings.

now it's time to go, curtains finally closing. that was quite a show, very entertaining. but it's over now. go on, take a bow.

Sometimes, I think I do things that don't make any sense to prove something I don't need to prove. does that make me brave? Or stupid?

From that moment I wasn't angry anymore... Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward. And that kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn't mine. Mine was still out there, waiting for me.

- future ted from himym season 4 ep.6

patience

not my strong suit.

but i know that there is a purpose and something to take out of all this waiting.

harry potter 7.2! :) yes. I am wearing a cape cuz i'm cool like that

Photo taken from Amanda's iPhone

lunchbreak lounging in the back of a car

lobster-wrangler. the lobster was much heavier than i thought it'd be.

i miss HK

dinner date with crepes, robots saving the world and 3D glasses

blast from the past

was searching through my phone and found this old picture. Jo and I decided because it was Tuesday, we'd get cupcakes. being indecisive about the kind we wanted, we split half and half. Peanutbutter-chocolate mint (i think) cupcakes for the win! 

photo taken July 7 - pro-movers at work 

mani/pedis

"these flies are so stupid!"

Heidi: 2, Flies, 0

what i saw today

no picture today. i figure i should eventually explain why i've started posting random pictures in my blog. it seems a bit tedious and difficult (especially since i use blogger... if this were tumblr, or some other medium it may be easier =P) but i've been randomly following this blog for some time: 

http://www.thingsisawtoday.com/index.php

as one of my 101 goals, i had wanted to write 1001 blessings -one for each day i was attempting my list. however shortly after i started, i started skipping days, skipping weeks - remembering only every so often to write something down. forcing myself to stop and take a picture of what's going on around me, even if it's just a small glimpse reminds me of the wonders in my own world. 

by no stretch of the imagination am i a good photographer. i don't have a great camera, or great photo editting capabilities or even a photographic 'eye'. But day by day sifting through those photos i was inspired to think about how each day has something new and different that maybe someone on the otherside of the world may never have seen. Something plain and simple to my eye may be spectacular and beautiful in someone else's.