as everyone re-enters the blogging bandwagon... the emergence of so many people's thoughts on the internet have spurred me to start thinking about my own things. Start thinking about things that i refused to think about during exams because, well it was exams. Things i stopped myself from pondering post-exams because well- that was my summer! But now, with no excuses, I am re-entering the closet of thoughts and sorting through to try and remember the things that were so pertinent in my mind when i was trying to cram biology into my head.
so amidst all the hustle and bustle of living in toronto... it's given me adequate time to simply just... think.
I've been reading a lot of people's blogs on new beginnings, and 'fresh starts' for summer.
Unlike most people (or so it seems) this first week has been a challenging one.
Failure is not something I (or anyone else i'm sure) take a liking to. It's hard enough admitting to yourself that you're not good enough for something... but to have someone else tell you that... whether it's through a really bad final, or just through straight plan out words... it hurts.
It's one thing to not prepare for something and not do well, but after sinking hours of time into prepping, and just... not making the bar... it just pulled me back into a deep feeling of inadequacy.
But, today, when i opened the 'care package' my parents prepared for me... i pulled out a 'special' item.
very simple - a water bottle with Jeremiah 29:11 written on it - "For I know the Plans i have for you, declares the Lord"
it was a simple reminder. This whole week, i had an agenda. my whole life i have an agenda. And i wanted life to unfold in the way that i had planned. I would love to say that i'm not the type to mope and can see the bigger picture after failure... but i'm not. But this reminder... that there's a bigger picture... and that maybe failure is a part of it... is holding me together.
just re-learning to trust
