on being a snob

when you look at things from one perspective, with a certain set of eyes, or 'glasses' if you will, everything can be spun to look one way.

at mac i am OLD
though this fact may indeed be true... does it really make a difference? i've been in hamilton for a solid week now and i've spent most of it stuck in the mentality and perspective that i'm old. that i am not a frosh. in attending the ccf, when people asked me if i was a frosh, i laughed and quickly corrected them - no, i'm not. i've ALREADY gotten a degree. i went to waterloo. i am far superior to you

i think looking at everything from these glasses has sort of put up a barrier for people who may just want to get to know me. shield them because in my own way, i'm saying, i've got my own friends, i don't need anymore. May way of saying, i'm older, more mature than you, and you have nothing to offer me that i don't already have. i have in a weird twisted way become a sort of snob, who is overly proud, to the point where when i look at others, i look down on them.

in my gtalk conversations, the fact came up - don't be a snob joanna. i scoffed and brushed it off. it's not that i think i'm better, it's the fact i AM older, and i can't be that juvenile anymore, and there's just this separation in understanding between the-.... wait. what did i say?

i've always had my share of younger friends. being in waterloo, especially my last term, i spent a bit of time with frosh friends, 2nd years, 3rd years, 4th years... and though sometimes, yes, i realized it was my age that was bringing up the average age... but it never bothered me. I always believed, you could learn something from everyone. who cares about difference in age. yet, when i arrived at mcmaster, all i've been seeing is the world through age-tinted glasses.

so, ask me again - i dare you. Am i frosh?
why yes! yes i am. and i'm ready for my first year at mac.



note: this is not to be confused with age-delusion. in this new mindset, it's not that i believe that i am any younger than i am, but being comfortable enough with that fact that - who cares? i'm still glad to meet you, age gap or not.

on being stubborn

i have a headache
my stomach is grumbling
it's getting cold
everyone is leaving

but i refuse to leave my seat in the library at mac... because i have no contact with the outside world at 'home'

being alone at home isn't that bad - why am i avoiding it?
man i need to suck it up and just adapt -_-

first day of 'real' class tomorrow. deep breaths. here i go