on making the effort

this term has been a term of hiding and not trying.

it's pretty bad falling into this complacent state where i prefer to come home and hermit and make my own dinners and eat grapes (partially because i'm trying to save money). but there are moments where i make my entrance into the world and really try to mingle with people and pull myself out of this depressive state.

but sometimes i can't help but stay in this slump, where i lack the motivation in general to push forward and try to accomplish something new... maybe not something new, but even just to work towards a goal.

i think things like deadlines, they help. it's pretty much an external force driving me when my internal force of motivation has failed. but i think predominantly the reason i've been avoiding people is because i know that when i face people, i have to face all the missed deadlines, all the missed opportunities, the skipped efforts, all that. i know that all of those things will come back to haunt me because people remind me of the things i should've done if it weren't for my laziness, tiredness, apathy.

sometimes it's easy for me to lose patience with people because i feel like all they want is me to do stuff for them. my boss is only teaching me this so that i can finish this other for them. my friends are only encouraging me to learn because they need me to help them out. i get semi annoyed at everyone who are pushing me to do things, not for my own sake, but for THEIR sake. i think that makes me frustrated... and 'turns me off' from doing what they ask me to - simply because, well... they asked me to.

but really... i know people mean well. they are encouraging me, teaching me, pushing me... because they want to SEE me become the person i say that i want to be.

so here's to change, to growth, to pushing forward. here's to accountability and watching out for each other.

a tale of two sisters

once upon a time there lived two sisters. they were heading to the younger sister's apartment for the night so they could have a good night of rest before a long day of work and travelling the next day.

unfortunately, there was only one bed available at the apartment, and it wasn't big enough to fit the two of them. the younger sister insisted that the older sister sleep in the bed because she was well older, and the older sister would be traveling all day so it would make sense for her to sleep comfortably in a bed. She also felt as though it was appropriate as the host to offer up the more comfortable sleeping location to the guest.

the older sister being stubborn refused and stole a blanket and fell asleep on the floor.

the younger sister being stubborn as well decided to sleep on the couch in spite of her sister. she figured if her sister woke up she would move to the bed.




in the end, because the two sisters were too stubborn, the bed was left empty.

.the end.