on doing things my way

i realize that i have a very systematic, and... almost eccentric way of doing things. For the most part, things end up alright. in the END i'm thorough. in the END it pulls together. but sometimes, the journey is just messy... and people looking on think i'm a bit crazy.

my summer job ended with a ridiculously quick switch over where i had to hand off a lot of my things to a new co-op in a one day switchover. As the term was ending, i realized that though things ran relatively smoothly while i was there, the way i went about doing a lot of things was not exactly the best - i.e. the order in which i did things, or my organizational skills etc.

i also found out today, that something that could've been done to make the process more thorough, i didn't do, just because i was so pressed for time. it was frustrating for me to sit down and listen to my successor tell me what i neglected and how he was doing my job better than me. what he doesn't know is how much politics there were over the summer, how fast paced things were then, how long it took me to establish what i even handed to him. i kept telling myself... well if i had been there longer, if i wasn't in a rush, i would've done it! but to him, my discombobulated way of doing things was wrong, and that was his solution for fixing it.

and as much humility it takes me to admit it - their way might be better... might be more efficient. and that's what gets me. i WANT to do it my way, because i think i'm right. i want to do it my way because it makes me feel better, smarter, superior. i want to do it my way because it means i'm RIGHT. but i am not always right. i am not always the best.

i think i'm so used to doing things on my own, in my own way that i FORGET that other people don't understand. i FORGET that some things... i CAN'T do on my own, and the way i'm going about things... well people can't help me. people can't follow me through my process because it doesn't make sense to them. to them i'm back tracking, then moving forward, then back tracking then jumping 10 steps ahead. my mind in non-linear and it shows.

but i need to realize that... just as people have to accept how i think, and how i need to do things my way... that other people have their way too.