on taking blood

scene: 5 year old joanna in a blood lab, eyes tearing, sitting on mom's lap
mom: you need to hold still or the needle will hurt MORE!
little joanna: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
*nurse pokes in needle*
little joanna is crying and shaking uncontrollably now
mom: JUST.HOLD.STILL!!!!!
*end scene*


scene: ~10 year old joanna in a blood lab, getting blood tested after being really really sick
nurse: we're going to take this much (holds up bottle) blood from you okay?
*sticks in needle, blood starts to drain out... nurse leaves the room*
joanna: ooouuuuuch that hurt... and hey... look... my blood is coming out of my a...... *passes out*
*end scene*

scene: 23 year old joanna in occupational health nurse office, getting immunizations checked for nursing
nurse: looks like we're going to have to take some blood to make sure you're immune to everything.
joanna: okay
nurse gathers supplies, and pokes joanna (while she is watching) with a needle, takes the blood. joanna leaves.
*end scene*


sometimes it's hard to see on the surface that you've grown. but then suddenly onions don't taste so bad, tofu has become a choice food, and even taking blood is no longer a big ordeal... you see that there IS growth. i'm growing up. maybe not exactly the way, the speed or HOW i want... but there is improvement and change - and that to me is growth.

i can safely say i've grown out of the fat little chubby kid that first went to westvale for my first day of kindergarten, and would only speak chinese with jasmine because we were BFF. outgrown the nerdy little skinny kid entering Centennial for the first time, excited to see what lockers were about. matured from the (still) nerdy girl that entered WCI thinking it was my 'big chance' at independence. changed from the naive girl that walked through the doors of REV South A to begin my 'life'.

i've somehow changed into this person i am today. there are parts from my past self that i wish i still was - open, curious, creative... but then i realize that i needed to evolve. needed to be harder, needed to be more grounded, to be less whimsical. life's tough stuff.... but it's how we come out of the experiences that shapes and grows us.

so here i am, ready to start at another school. this time, no best friend in the next room. no pre-set of friends. on my own. and i gotta take it as it comes. no crying, no passing out. just go.