i first met Charlie on January 28, 2010.

it was my first clinical placement as a nurse, and i was scared out of my mind. I was told to shadow this one PSW who had 6 people to see that morning before breakfast. we took off from the nursing station around 7am, and had to have 6 people, woken up, bathed, dressed, and toileted before 8am. 

the first patient i ever met was Charlie, and he was awake when we came in, smiling a toothless smile at us greeting us with a 'good morning ladies!' 

I learned how to do my first bed bath, change my first brief. He told me that he wanted a pink shirt... do you know why? because "even though 10 years ago pink shirts were not 'in' for men... they are now!"

My first day flying solo, he was the patient i chose. I learned about his meds, his diagnoses. I learned about his care plan, so that I would make sure his needs were met. He was my patient for 3 weeks. He taught me what was 'right' when i made a mistake - like bringing his teeth in the cleaning solution is wrong: you need to rinse them off with water first! We chatted about his 97th birthday party, how he used to be a phramacist. He showed me pictures of himself when he was young (and very good looking!)

And even as the term wore on, i went back to check on him, see how he was, when he needed help, i tried to offer it to him. He allowed me to perform my first real cardiac assessment on him. We did a mini-mental assessment on him, which, during the writing portion, wrote that "I love you all". 

Today began on a sombre note. I walked into the nursing station, 7am. 2 months from when i first met Charlie, and was told that he passed away yesterday of a heart attack.

working in long term care is difficult. it means a lot of humility. it means realizing you are never 'too good' to wipe someone's bum, to clean up after them, to feed them, to help them get ready, to take a walk with them, to chat with them, to sit down, and hold their hand when they are scared. it means facing death.

one of my residents today woke up and decided she didn't want to go to breakfast. Turns out she had an extremely high blood pressure, and she grasps my hand and with a frightened look on her face asks me: "I'm going to die aren't I? I'm so scared... Am i going to die?" 

long term care... is sad.

but long term care... can be filled with joyful, and such rewarding moments too.

another resident of mine spends a lot of time in the washroom, and today she told me to sit down (in her wheelchair) to have a chat while she was on the toilet. We talked about her children. My children (or lack thereof). We talked about how all the people at this nursing home are great and take care of her. She tells me that i'm too gentle and that i need to be more rough sometimes. We talked, she laughed. We laughed together. 

my day ended with me chatting with a patient that my classmates were dressing a wound for. He was in pain. He is completely blind and almost 99% deaf. But he started talking when he knew we were there, perhaps to take his mind off the pain. And then he broke into song. He sang- no he BELLOWED a hymn. It was beautiful. He started to seranade us, then when he realized we were 'too young' to recognize the song, he decided it would be a good idea to yodel. i'm pretty sure i was laughing so hard i was crying. And he laughed along with me. 

it's hard to believe that i've been doing this for 2 months now. it's important for me to remember the good stuff... and the bad. the sad stuff, and the stuff that made me laugh until i cried. it's all this stuff that makes my future job so.... fun. 

it's.... life - the good AND the bad.