i hate the sinking feeling i get when i am reminded that i am not good enough, not worthy of something, may it be a job, a relationship, a course, anything.

i hate the feeling because it's this idea that i feel that i am defeated, that i am starting to believe that who i am is not good enough to be something. And that my self worth is dependent on what another person thinks. That in order to get what i want, i need to be something different than who i am.

the sinking feeling always settles in and i wallow in my own self pity because i think that's the only thing i can do as such a defeated creature.

but lately... though these sinking feelings still settle in, within a few minutes they disappear, because somehow, even though the pressure is still there, i can slowly begin to find self assurance that hey, who i am is not perfect, but i'm working to change it. If my friends, or an employer or professor cannot recognize my slow climb to improve... then i can't do anything more about it. I am trying to change. If they choose not to see that, and if who i am is not good enough, then... i cannot convince them otherwise. the only thing i CAN do is believe that who i am is okay. That where i'm headed is the right direction for ME.

"God made me and God doesn't make mistakes"