ever since i was a kid, i had a tendency to have dreams where i was always the hero. The hero that saved a girl from drowning, the hero that made sure a town did not get buried in an avalanche, the hero that sacrificed their own life so that their friends wouldn't die.
but as suddenly as i was the hero, i was the victim. I became the person that people rushed to the hospital to save the life of, i was the one that would clutch my friends hands and tell them not to worry about me and to save their own lives
it's all a bit ridiculous. i remember in each of those dreams, it was always a struggle to determine whether i wanted to drop from the hero to the damsel in distress, or become one of those rugged heroes that could always walk out of any act of heroism unharmed.
it's a tiresome chore, floating back and forth between being a hero and being someone who needed someone to take care of them. It was very easy to see where the dreams come from.
In my life, it's always been a struggle to choose whether to stay strong and push through trials and come out the hero of all situations, the hero of my life. To be the invincible warrior who made it through all that stuff and lived to talk about it. But then there's always the little part of me that loves being cared about... being hurt so that i had scar to show for all the stuff i go through. And in desiring that care, i no longer am the hero that can make it through anything, but am the helpless hero, who parades as invincible but secretly is just longing for someone to save me from life...
perhaps what the dreams are telling me is that being a hero is not as glorifying as i think; that its impossible to go through life without tripping and falling once in awhile needing someone's help. That somewhere between hero and victim is where i will find myself and be fulfilled. I don't need to save the world. i don't need to be on my deathbed. that to be me, just me, neither extra-ordinary or under-ordinary... that being just plain old me, would help me live a much less tiresome life
4 comments:
aww jo =)
i liked that post alot. dun wryy we all care for u!
hmm... luv ya lots babe :)
c.
oyy sorry for being so vague. what i originally meant to say is that i really appreciate having you as a friend :) thanks.
that's a familiar story
never been much of a fan of dream interpretation, but those are some very good thoughts.
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